Passion Raga Novel - Complete - Chapter 41

That hand, adding weight to the warm towel, always lingered for a moment before slowly beginning to stroke and rub his eyelids. The sensation, surprisingly, was quite pleasing.
The warm, languid sensation that seemed to release fatigue from his entire body, not just his eyes, was so pleasant that it had been a long time since he started lying down with his head on Yuri’s lap immediately after showering. It was a man’s hand, rough and unrefined, with prominent joints. But the touch rubbing around Ling Xinlu’s eyes was gentle and sincere, as if soothing his very soul.

It was as if it revealed Yuri Gable himself.

The calm and gentle emotions subtly hidden within his indifferent and taciturn face, like water.

“Did you have a nice date with Grandma Mei?”

In the sensation of his heart relaxing languidly, Ling Xinlu asked with a low chuckle. The hand rubbing his eyes seemed to pause for a moment, but with a short “Yes,” it soon began to move again pleasantly.

The old woman, having finished her long lament to Yuri, took Yuri, who was carrying the empty jar, and returned the way they came. Ling Xinlu, who couldn’t find an opportune moment to interject, leisurely followed them at a slight distance.

Yuri noticed Ling Xinlu following along the way and looked back, but when Ling Xinlu lightly gestured for him to continue, he silently carried the old woman’s jar all the way. While he carried it, the old woman continued to talk, and Yuri occasionally offered absurd responses to her words. Their mismatched conversation sometimes continued like a comedy, making Ling Xinlu chuckle softly from behind, but the hard-of-hearing old woman didn’t look back, and only Yuri occasionally looked back with a slightly embarrassed expression.

“Did you understand even half of what Grandma Mei said?”
Ling Xinlu asked, but no answer came. Ling Xinlu just chuckled.

“Grandma Mei and her husband had a big age difference, and their marriage wasn’t particularly good. Her husband would go out every day to play mahjong and accumulate debts, so Grandma Mei was constantly busy paying them off. Because of that, every night, the sound of Grandma Mei crying and shouting that she couldn’t live like this never ceased from their house…”

It was when he was very young, but Ling Xinlu had heard her crying directly just once. He remembered his eyes widening at the ghostly sound of her screaming.

“Then that old man died. He was on his way back from the market and tripped over a stone, dying absurdly. Since a perfectly healthy person suddenly died, everyone was flustered and rushed through the funeral, but it wasn’t a particularly sad or regretful atmosphere.”

“………”

“It wasn’t because that old man was a bad person, but because he was already very old. He was almost twenty years older than Grandma Mei, so he was already over seventy back then.”
He added, “Even though seventy is still a vibrant age these days, it wasn’t back then.”

Ling Xinlu didn’t personally attend that funeral. The Ling family wouldn’t go in person to the funeral of an employee’s husband, even if they sent someone in their place with a generous condolence gift. But he had overheard the gossip among the employees afterward. They said Grandma Mei cried like that, saying, “I knew he was old and would go first, I knew it.”

“…Even though he was a husband who caused her so much trouble and heartache his whole life, did you think she would miss him?”

Ling Xinlu asked with a smirk.

Recalling Yuri’s quiet voice saying, You must miss him.

Yuri was silent for a moment, then answered, “Yes.”

“She kept saying ‘old man, old man,’ so I thought she must miss him. No matter what she talks about, if she keeps talking about that person, it means she’s curious and wants to see him, no matter what.”

Ling Xinlu fell silent. Yuri continued to speak softly, gently rubbing his eyes.
“If you lived with someone with such a big age difference, every minute and second of your life would have been precious and regrettable, so I suppose that’s why she had so much to say.”

Regretful that she knew, yet couldn’t properly enjoy those times. Resentful of the husband who diverted those times elsewhere, and resentful of herself for wasting those times.
But now, it was already in the past, and everything had flowed away. That was her life.

Silence flowed for a while. Suddenly, Ling Xinlu wondered what kind of expression this man had beyond the warm towel covering his vision. But at the same time, he felt like he knew what kind of expression he would have.

His usual calm, expressionless face, but with eyes gently lowered and lips quietly closed, holding a hint of melancholy for Grandma Mei, just like his usual expression.

And suddenly.

Without any warning or reason, just abruptly.

Ah, yes. That’s this man. That’s how he is.

Such a realization washed over him.

It was a very fresh sensation.

Ling Xinlu already knew what kind of person Yuri Gable was. He knew that he wasn’t as taciturn as he appeared, and that he was actually a very affectionate and warm-hearted person. Yet, even though he already knew this, it felt as if it was suddenly being experienced as a tangible realization at that moment.

A feeling as if his heart was aching.

“Just a moment.”

The towel seemed to have cooled.

Yuri removed the towel that had covered Ling Xinlu’s eyes and placed it in a bowl of warm water to re-warm it. Ling Xinlu gazed up at him, who was wringing out the water from the towel with the calm, expressionless face he had expected.

“Come to think of it… how much older than me are you, Mr. Gable?”

A question he had never thought of before suddenly popped into his head.

Yuri folded the towel neatly again and tilted his head indifferently, “Well, let’s see.”

“Twelve? Thirteen? Around that.”

“…Uncle.”

“From the moment Mr. Ling Xinlu was born, I was always an uncle to Mr. Ling Xinlu.”

Yuri said indifferently and placed the towel back over Ling Xinlu’s eyes. His vision was completely blocked. This feeling, which was always comfortable and cozy, strangely felt anxious at this moment.

“Later, when Mr. Ling Xinlu gets very old, please tell stories about me sometimes.”

Yuri said with a slight smile, as if it were a passing joke. Perhaps it was a meaningless joke, as he soon changed the subject with the question, “Isn’t it hot?” He probably wouldn’t remember saying it if Ling Xinlu brought it up again a few days later, saying, “Did I say that?” It was a meaningless story to him.

—Later, when Mr. Ling Xinlu gets very old.

At that time, he himself probably wouldn’t be in this world.

—Please tell stories about me sometimes.

Talking about that person means, no matter what, you’re curious and want to see them.

“…….”

Ling Xinlu pressed his lips together.

His heart grew cold.

The surging sensation froze coldly. What kind of sensation should he call it? It was like—

“What order is there in people’s passing?”

Who knows who will die first, the words that burst out unconsciously sounded, even to himself, like the sulkiest in the world. Yuri’s hand, which had been rubbing his eyes, paused for a moment, but then a calm rebuttal came.

“Still, if possible, we should go in order. That’s the natural way.”

“Natural way, my foot. Just tell lots and lots of stories about me, Mr. Gable, later.”

Suddenly, he intensely disliked his own age. His life, which still had a long time left—at least a dozen years more than Yuri—made him extremely anxious. Yuri looked at Ling Xinlu, who was clearly showing his displeasure, with a puzzled expression, wondering why he was suddenly upset when he had seemed fine just moments ago.

“…Is it too hot?”

“No, it’s not hot.”

“Does it hurt? Am I pressing too hard?”

“No, it doesn’t hurt. You’re pressing just right.”

Yuri, looking down at Ling Xinlu, who was rudely muttering as if he was dying of heat and pain, showed a slightly bewildered expression but said nothing else. He seemed to think that something he had said might have touched some bitter memory of Ling Xinlu’s that he didn’t know about.

Ling Xinlu, who had silently left his eyes to Yuri’s touch, suddenly asked again.

“Mr. Gable, you like younger people, don’t you?”

“Me?”

A bewildered counter-question came back. But true to him, who always thought seriously before answering no matter how absurd the question, a sincere answer came after a few seconds.
“I’ve never thought about it, but considering the present, it’s not wrong.”

“It’s not that ‘young people’ themselves are my type, though,” Yuri added. Hearing his answer, Ling Xinlu’s displeasure subsided a little. But even then, he still didn’t feel good. He felt anxious, uneasy, and eventually even nauseous.

“…I like people who will stay by my side for a long time.”
The words flowed out without Ling Xinlu even realizing it—like muttering in a dream, regardless of his will, abruptly. After a brief pause, Yuri answered, “Is that so?” Then silence fell again for a while.

He was probably thinking of someone. Someone who wished Ling Xinlu would stay by their side for a long time, but ultimately couldn’t. And only belatedly did Ling Xinlu’s thoughts turn to the person Yuri might be thinking of now.

No.

At least at this moment, the person Ling Xinlu was thinking of was not that person.
Perhaps Ling Xinlu even felt that Yuri thought of that man more often than he did.

Ling Xinlu was about to open his mouth to say that wasn’t true, but his words got stuck halfway.

If not that, then what else could he say?

“…….”

Yuri gently stroked Ling Xinlu, who had closed his mouth again. The hand rubbing the towel over his eyes occasionally stroked Ling Xinlu’s hair as well. To be precise, it was more like toying with a few strands of hair caught on his fingertips rather than stroking his head.

He didn’t dislike that touch either. The feeling of his hair being lightly tickled usually felt good.
But now, even that sensation felt somehow anxious. He wanted to grasp that hand that gently touched and then left his hair.

“I like people who will stay for a long time.”

Ling Xinlu muttered again. It was closer to a monologue he was speaking to himself than to Yuri.

The unstable heartbeat that he had painstakingly suppressed deep in his heart, trying to give up on the person who had become someone else’s, seemed to slowly crawl back up into his unconscious. Ling Xinlu took a long breath, trying to suppress the emotions that were confusing his reason. He filled his lungs deeply, breathing in to push down the unstable feelings seeping from within his body.

Slowly, slowly, he exhaled. Then the unstable, fluttering heartbeat seemed to settle down again.

“Are you alright?”

A low voice came from beyond the towel covering his vision. It sounded calm, but with a hint of concern. He hadn’t shown much, but Yuri seemed to have noticed that momentary instability.
The worried voice came from right beside him. From the person right next to him.

His heart slowly settled. He felt his legs beneath his head, and the hand covering his eyes. He was there.

Ling Xinlu exhaled quietly. “I’m fine,” he muttered. Yuri quietly observed Ling Xinlu’s presence, then seemed to relax and began to move his hand again. Ling Xinlu, who had been silent for a while, clearly feeling that generous and gentle touch, whispered with a sigh-like breath.

“Yes, I like people who will stay for a long time. …If I come to like someone who won’t, I won’t let them leave.”

End of Volume 1. To be continued in Volume 2.